Well, I've had my surgery on Monday.
The hospital is gross, as always, but maybe its just because I don't get a real shower when I go to the hospital. The night staff is SO MUCH more amazing than the day staff. My favorite nurse, is Shirley, when she walked in Monday night, she asked me where my parents were, and I told her they went home for the night and she grabbed my hand, and told me that she was going to be my mom. So. Sweet. She was awesome.
They made me walk Tuesday morning, and I thought my belly was going to split open, but it didn't, thank goodness. They ended up making the bikini incision. When my mom found out, she was so much more excited than I was. I didn't care, how they got the cancer out, just that they did get it out. But my mom wanted them to make the bikini incision vs. the c-section incision, because the scar would be hidden. Shes more excited for my incision than me. Shes funny.
My best friend's dad went and got me a dozen daises. I love daises!
My co-worker, Ray, she came to see me, she brought me malasadas, they're like dough nuts, without the holes, deep fried and covered in sugar. She sat with me for a while, and we talked, and she told me she was sorry. Sorry because I had cancer, and sorry because I'll never be able to have kids. She said that she's been trying to have kids for over 10 years, and she hasn't been able to have them, and she doesn't know which is worse, knowing why you can't have kids, or not having kids, and not know what is wrong with you.
Today was the first time, that I realized that I wouldn't have my own kids. I was laying in bed with the dog, and she draped herself across my neck, and I realized that I wouldn't have a little person that belongs to me do that. I cried for a bit. But I suppose that I'll get over it eventually. I mean, I'm alive, that means more than anything else.
Oh, and I got the pathology report from my surgery. The cancer didn't spread beyond the walls of my uterus, which means that I'm cancer free. No chemotherapy, no radiation. That meas more to me than anything else. Because I was so worried that they would take it out and I'd still have to go through all that bad stuff.
Tomorrow, though filled with pain, looks more beautiful than ever.
The hospital is gross, as always, but maybe its just because I don't get a real shower when I go to the hospital. The night staff is SO MUCH more amazing than the day staff. My favorite nurse, is Shirley, when she walked in Monday night, she asked me where my parents were, and I told her they went home for the night and she grabbed my hand, and told me that she was going to be my mom. So. Sweet. She was awesome.
They made me walk Tuesday morning, and I thought my belly was going to split open, but it didn't, thank goodness. They ended up making the bikini incision. When my mom found out, she was so much more excited than I was. I didn't care, how they got the cancer out, just that they did get it out. But my mom wanted them to make the bikini incision vs. the c-section incision, because the scar would be hidden. Shes more excited for my incision than me. Shes funny.
My best friend's dad went and got me a dozen daises. I love daises!
My co-worker, Ray, she came to see me, she brought me malasadas, they're like dough nuts, without the holes, deep fried and covered in sugar. She sat with me for a while, and we talked, and she told me she was sorry. Sorry because I had cancer, and sorry because I'll never be able to have kids. She said that she's been trying to have kids for over 10 years, and she hasn't been able to have them, and she doesn't know which is worse, knowing why you can't have kids, or not having kids, and not know what is wrong with you.
Today was the first time, that I realized that I wouldn't have my own kids. I was laying in bed with the dog, and she draped herself across my neck, and I realized that I wouldn't have a little person that belongs to me do that. I cried for a bit. But I suppose that I'll get over it eventually. I mean, I'm alive, that means more than anything else.
Oh, and I got the pathology report from my surgery. The cancer didn't spread beyond the walls of my uterus, which means that I'm cancer free. No chemotherapy, no radiation. That meas more to me than anything else. Because I was so worried that they would take it out and I'd still have to go through all that bad stuff.
Tomorrow, though filled with pain, looks more beautiful than ever.
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