well that sucks.

I sat in a waiting room full of women of all different sizes, ages and races. I didn't know their names, I didn't talk to any of them. We all sat there in this waiting room waiting to see our different doctors. Some of us were reading magazines, or talking on the phone or knitting. But we were all there for the same reason. We all have cancer.

.....

Well there is some good news. My cancer is curable. It's something to smile about. However, that means a full hysterectomy along with my lymph nodes. No children for me... ever. I suppose I could hold off and not get the surgery. But the cancer will spread and I will die of it. So.

Kids or death.

Hard decision. Not really. But it still hurts to know that I'll never look at another person who has my hair, or eyes or gap-toothed smile. Then again, I won't subject offspring to the possibility of their own cancer, especially if I were to have a girl child. I don't know, it's just a lot to take in.

In the realm of things that could be possible I never thought that cancer was one of them..

...

I used to have this dream of a baby named Colin that was mine. I looked down at him, and he had my slightly slanty eyes, my lips, and ears. And I would hold him and coo and tell him that I was his mommy. I feel sad now that I'm never going to have that baby.