Impossible Things.

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December 05, 2010

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Today is the last day, Tomorrow is surgery day. actually i have about 6 more hours. I'm scared. really truly scared. I've gotta get some sleep.

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Eureka

O finally figured out why I read so much romance novels. Love, the really good, curl your toes, spin your world on end, heart stopping, tingling skin, soul mate, kind of love is something I'm pretty sure I'll never experience. The only way I'd be brave enough to even try is by reading about it. By living it through someone else's eyes. Especially a fictional person. This knowledge about myself makes me really sad at how jaded, shy, guarded I've become.

Pain, you're my only friend.

Today I stayed home from work for the first time since I got the news. I literally could not move this morning, and every time that I tried to get up I was doubled over in pain. I stayed in bed til nearly 1045 because the pain was so intense. It was like a belt of pain all around my hips. 19 days is too far away.

Moving on...

Looking through Facebook is always a hit and miss thing. I usually get on there to keep in touch with the daily lives of my Australian and New Zealand family and some way random friends from high school. I hardly ever post things on there. I don't really want my Facebook friends to know what I'm doing (you, dear reader are the exception to that rule.) Anyway. Every so often I look up my ex. He was my first everything... I'm over him. I was truly done with him when I told him "hey I've been admitted into the hospital." And he said "Sorry I didn't answer you I was having a party. I guess you're ok." Then when i told him I had cancer he basically said "sorry that sucks for you." And I haven heard from him since. At that point I was done. He didn't even think to find out how I was doing after the surgery. He just.... stopped caring? I donno. All I know is i was done. Today i decided to give in to nostalgia and look him up on...

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